he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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