i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
