I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
