half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I supernannyed him into submission
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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