eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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