the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
