Whod you bang
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
now i know why i became what i already was.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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