Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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