so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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