dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
