I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
