shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
