i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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