You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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