its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
