I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
