Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
