dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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