I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
