The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
