giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
