I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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