how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
