All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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