He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
