Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
