Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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