that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize