he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
