Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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