Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
