I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
