I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
