Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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