I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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