he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
