His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
