When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
