Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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