Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
