And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
