I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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