i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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