chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
