bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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