your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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