I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
