Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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