hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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