i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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