I swear she didn't look like that last week.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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