God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
