Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
