Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
