checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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