Don't make out with my wife yet
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
