My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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