Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize