your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
