You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
