Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize