Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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