i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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