rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
