feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
