please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
